Energy is Relational by Lexie Wolf

I'm all about energy these days. That's a word with a lot of meanings, I know. I'm talking about the felt sense in my body that feels like life force, awake and alive. The dynamic current that keeps us open to possibility, connection, and change. Prana in yoga. Maybe Chi in Chinese medicine.

Whatever we call it, I want more of it. It's become my most precious commodity.

Why? Not sure exactly. I turned 55 on Monday. For several years now I've been struggling with a level of fatigue that seems disproportionate for my healthy lifestyle. Whether what I'm experiencing is "normal" or not, consciously thinking about and cultivating vitality has become something of a quest. (For a deep dive, I highly recommended a podcast series called Phenomena: Exploring The Science and Stories of Energy Healing).

I've done the blood work and visited the doctors. I get great nutrition, exercise, and decent sleep most of the time (including my beloved 20 minute post-lunch catnap habit). I'm trying hormones. I’ve been experimenting, within reason, with some supplements. But I’m so not a maxxer—not by a long shot. I believe in moderation and balance. I maxx nothing.

One thing I know is that feeling alive is far more complex than simply feeding the machine with the right nutrients, movement, and sleep. I’ve been diving deep into learning about energy and am trying to be attentive to some of the more subtle ways that I can feel energy working in me.

A lot of it seems to come down to how I relate to life.

Attention: plug the leaks!

I’m realizing how much distracted attention leaks my energy. My social media use has crept up over the past couple of years without my noticing. Until I did. Last month I decided to go on a social media diet. It's only medium-strict, and like any diet it's challenging—but it's helping. My negotiations with my screens are ongoing and I’d like to write more about that sometime soon.

I've widened the lens to look at my attention in general: Where am I leaking attention? Where can I draw healthier boundaries around it? It has become so clear to me that presence is either neutral or net positive for my energy. Scattered attention is almost always depleting.

(Bill wrote a wonderful piece on brahmacharya—the yogic practice of wisely directing our energy and attention—that you can read here.

Connection: quality matters

Positive, meaningful connection with other humans opens my heart and fills me with a felt sense of energizing expansiveness.

Too much small talk or surface level talk—or getting caught with someone who has verbal diarrhea—drains it like nothing else. Introverts, you probably know exactly what I mean.

So yes, connection gives me energy. But not just any connection. Connection that feels genuine, reciprocal, and nourishing. The right kind. The right amount. This is something I’ve been paying attention to for a long time. Bill has a much larger social battery than I do so we’re always negotiating!

Practice: restful isn’t always the answer

I love a yoga nidra or a restorative, nervous-system-calming practice as much as the next person. But I've discovered those practices aren’t usually what I need when I'm tired. Anxious, yes. Tired, no.

When I’m feeling depleted and/or my energy feels stuck and stagnant, I need a practice that gently wakes me up. Something that gets the breath moving, stirs what has become still, and leaves me feeling more alive than when I began. (Subtle or ok, not so subtle -  plug for my Tuesday morning Awakening Flow class where I guide this kind of practice.)

A few minutes of intentional breath, movement, and awareness can be enough to noticeably shift how I feel. I wrote about my experience with Kriya yoga and jet lag here, for instance.

Inspiration: open to the flow

Being inspired by something I read, listen to, or create gives me energy. Experiencing flow states gives me energy. Acting in alignment with my life's purpose—or even just the day's purpose—gives me energy. (Tired? Just order a bottle of Alignment, only $29.99 on Amazon. $21.99 with subscription. Lol.)

Each of us has a unique song to sing. And when I'm singing mine—even a little off-key—I usually feel pretty good.

The "should" list is unavoidable sometimes. But when it starts taking up too much of my life, or when I find myself making too many choices from old conditioning or a sense of obligation instead of genuine alignment, depletion is sure to follow. It’s an ongoing process for me to be attentive to this and make changes when and where I can.

Nature: it’s home

As much as there is in nature to see and take in with all the senses, it almost never feels depleting. The woods invite my attention, but not in the way a screen or an endless stream of information does. They invite presence without asking anything in return.

As we humans are not separate from nature but expressions of it, perhaps this shouldn't surprise me. Spending time away from the built environment isn't an escape from life, it's a return to it.

Yoga and Chinese medicine don't describe prana or chi as something we simply produce inside ourselves, like charging a battery. They speak of life force as a field we participate in—a current we are always a part of, but that we can experience more or less connection to. I forget, I remember. That idea is reshaping how I think about vitality. The work becomes less about creating more life force, but becoming more available to it. Cultivating this availability is shaping my path these days.